What Could Have Been
by Faeriegurl
Summary: But it was a lie, it wasn’t all I wanted. I wanted Will to come home forever and to have a family and to not feel as if something were missing from my life, something I couldn’t begin to identify but never the less wished for desperately.


  
  


What Could Have Been:

I stood out on the balcony, gazing down at the everlasting expanse of blue water far beneath me as the wind whipped through my hair. The Carribean sea shimmered as the sun slowly went down, and it seemed as if a thousand gold coins glittered underneath the water, though it was only a mirage. At the thought of gold, my hand flew lightly to my breast, where the gold medallion had once been. I shivered at the thought, and gripped my silk skirts to keep them from ruffling. 

I wondered when Will would return. He was a merchant now, prominent and successful, not a pirate at all like my father had feared. I smiled at the thought of his kind brown eyes and how he had always called me Miss Swann. How he would do anything for me, go anywhere or to any length. I had secured a happy ending, against all odds. Perhaps I had to wear a corset still, and deal with the curious questions of my kidnaping, but overall I was happy. Happier then I had ever been. 

Something caught my eye, and I temporarily left my memories as I strained my eyes. Don't get your hopes up, Elizabeth, a voice inside my mind whispered as I giddily realized that a ship was on the horizon, sailing in quickly. Could it be Will, returning already? Let it be, Let it be him, I thought. He'd been gone for two months already. It wasn't uncommon, though—it had been five years since we were wed, and I hardly ever saw him. The life of a merchant in the Carribean was a busy one, and Will was constantly on the move, sailing from island to island for sometimes up to six months at a time. I hated it, but it made our reunions more joyful. 

I walked back into my bedroom, catching a glance of myself in the mirror. I looked as I always did; my dirty blonde hair wind swept, my pale skin luminous, my silk blue gown revealing the tiny waist that was achieved by my hated corset. I grimaced at the mere thought; every move I made was hounded by discomfort. I really should just toss them to the wind one day, I thought absently as I made my way through my estate, nodding and smiling at the quiet, busy servants I saw. Maybe I'd be the laughing stock of all of Port Royal, but I'd be comfortable and free. Corsets had quite literally nearly killed me. I would have drowned on that day so long ago, the day Norrington proposed and Jack had to rescue me. 

Jack. I hadn't thought about Jack in a long time. An image of the handsome pirate floated back into my mind, and I smiled in spite of myself. The man had been as brave and true as any man I'd ever known, pirate or not. I wondered what had ever became of him; I hadn't laid eyes on Jack since the day he had narrowly escaped the gallows. Will always inquired after him at any seedy taverns he stepped into, but all the news we ever heard of him were either ships he had plundered or the familiar fables of the great Captain Jack Sparrow and how he defeated or escaped so and such. 

" Daniel, will you send a man to the docks to find out news of an incoming ship? I just saw one up on the balcony," I called to an elderly servant as I approached him.

Daniel had been with my family since I was a little girl; his kind blue eyes crinkled as he nodded his head respectfully. 

" Yes, Mrs. Turner, I'll do so right away. It's due time for Mr. Turner to return, isn't it," he replied easily, and turned to go find a runner to the docks. 

  


I paced the estate the rest of the day. I took walks out in the garden and read some books in the library. I did some embroidery with the maids, and tried playing the piano a bit. Dark clouds gathered in the sky near the end of the afternoon, and I hoped that the runner would return before it began to rain. 

As if he heard my thoughts, Daniel walked into the sitting room. " Mrs. Turner, you must have been mistaken. No ship came into Port Royal, and it looks as if none was spotted. You must have seen one passing on towards Tortuga. My apologies, Mrs. Turner." 

Disappointment settled onto my shoulders, and I bit back a rugged sigh. " Thank you, Daniel. It's fine, really, I just had my hopes up , and it's been so long since I've seen him last." 

The old servant lingered for a moment, but at my silence left. I released the sigh I had been holding back and wiped a wisp of hair away from my eyes. Outside the window, tiny, perfect raindrops began to splatter onto the ground. 

Another silent dinner came and went. 

I went into the study and closed the great oak door behind me gently. A sea breeze floated into the room, blowing the blue gossamer curtains back and forth softly. Rain began to splatter in, and as I closed the shutters, I could tell from the brewing black clouds it wouldn't be long before a total downpour began. I sat down at the desk and picked up a quill, moving a book about ships out of the way. 

" Dear Will," I began, moving the quill with swift, deft strokes. " It's been over two months since I saw you last, and before that you came home for two single days after a three month journey."

I paused, wondering what to tell him. 

" I've been busy as I can be, these past two weeks. I've sold my father's estate at last, to a wealthy family from London. Things are quiet and peaceful."

Maybe too quiet and peaceful. The months during and following my kidnaping had been wild with excitement and fun, more then I thought I needed for a life time. But then my father had helped Will become a merchant, and things had quieted down, to the point where I spent most of my days alone in a big, empty house. I was estranged from so many people after I had married Will. Why did she choose the blacksmith over the commodore?, I knew most people wondered, even those who liked Will. The stunt at the gallows had shocked many, and though I still had friends and respect, people were distant with me. It was as if they didn't know how to treat me anymore, and I could hardly blame them. We lived on the outskirts of the town, and sometimes I wondered how my life would have turned out if I had never married Will. I never regretted my decision of course, but still I wished that he'd be home. The life he had chose was one that left me alone often. My father had died several months ago from a heart attack, and since then I had felt more alone in the world then ever. We had tried to have children, but it seemed impossible. The terrifying thought that I was barren haunted me. 

" I wish you would come home. That is all I wish for," I wrote, and signed my name in an elaborate flourish. 

But it was a lie, it wasn't all I wanted. I wanted Will to come home forever and to have a family and to not feel as if something were missing from my life, something I couldn't begin to identify but never the less wished for desperately. 

There was a polite knock on the study door, and I dropped the quill. 

" Yes?," I called out, rising from my chair. 

A servant boy stuck his head in. " Mrs. Turner, there's a man here to see you," he told me, eyeing me with curiosity.

" Out in this rain? He must of nearly drowned trying to come here!," I said immediately as another loud clap of thunder echoed. 

The boy nodded his head and scurried back out the door. I followed him out and stepped quickly down the stair case, wondering what sort of news the visitor had to bring. A sense of dread began to creep over me. How good could it be if they had came during a horrible storm? What sort of news would they have to tell? 

I stopped as I reached the bottom of the stair case. The tall man who stood at the elaborate door way hadn't seen me yet; he handed his cloak to the servant boy, who quickly hung it up and ran off toward the kitchen. He turned slightly and the familiar, captivating brown eyes of Captain Jack Sparrow met mine.

The infamous pirate grinned at my shocked expression, tilting his head respectfully. 

" Well love, I have to say this is a nice estate Will found you. Would this be real gold?," he drawled lazily as he tapped the frame of a painting. 

I stared at him for a few more moments incredulously. He was the last man I had expected to see, the absolute last. 

" Jack. What are you doing here?," I finally managed to say, amazed that he had managed to track down my new home. 

I realized it must have been the Pearl that I had seen on the horizon. Why had he come alone?

" Thought I'd stop by for a cup of tea. Might your Will Turner be about?,"Jack asked offhand, striding towards me. 

He looked just the same as he always had, tall and rugged. I shook my head slightly, trying to think of how I could explain it to him.

" Will isn't—," I began, but then Jack suddenly put a finger to his lips. 

" Do you have any room in this small cottage where we might not be overheard?," he asked.

I realized how foolhardy it was to have a conversation with Jack where all the servants could hear. There was a price on his head that could persuade someone to squeal, and talking to him in the main part of my home was foolish on my part. 

" Come with me," I told him, and walked up the stairs to the study. He followed me, and closed the door behind him quietly.

The rain hammered against the shutters brutally, but I went to stand by them anyway. Jack glanced up at the paintings on the walls and touched one of the numerous books gently before whistling. 

" Will's made a pretty shilling, I'll say. Where is he? Off for a lovely walk in the rain?" 

I hesitated in my answer. " Will isn't home much anymore. He's too busy...doing other things. He's a merchant now, if you haven't heard," I offered awkwardly. 

It felt odd being with Jack alone. Apart from the one time on the island, when we were both in a drunken stupor and had gallivanted around the bonfire, I had never been in the man's company without Will or another person. It was different now, being in the study. 

Jack nodded his head, grinning. " I heard something along those lines. He's a good boy, you must be glad you ended up with him instead of the commodore. Never mind what I told him on that day in the gallows," he replied easily, referring to telling Norrington that he had been rooting for him all along. 

I laughed softly at his tone. " You'd root for a dog to win. Anything is a bet to you, Jack Sparrow," I retorted easily. 

He raised his eyebrows, though the grin remained on his face. " I'm shocked I left you with such an impression of me, love. What sort of man do you think I am?"

His manner was so easy and laid back, it was as if I hadn't seen him for only a day instead of two years. And at the same time, there was something different about him. 

" Why are you here, Jack?," I asked at last after a moment of silence. 

He laughed. " Right down to the point, are we? You were never one to deal with pleasantries, love, and I'll give that to your Will Turner too. Surely you didn't think you had seen the last of Captain Jack Sparrow, did you?," he asked rhetorically, stepping closer to me . 

Had I? To tell the truth, even I didn't know. The storm had finally died, and I turned to open up the shutters once again. The ever constant breeze blew back in with a gentle force. 

" I don't really know, Jack. Will's been asking about you, but all that we hear are the infamous stories and your miraculous escapes–though I must say none of them match up to escaping from the island," I replied, smiling at the stories I had heard. 

He smiled back, but it faded. He was different from the last time I had seen him, and I wondered why I hadn't realized that the moment I had spotted him from the stair case. The charm was still there, but it wasn't as outlandish and outgoing as it usually was..as it always had been. 

" So where are the little Wills and Elizabeths? Seems quiet as the grave," Jack remarked. 

" There are none," I replied evenly, though god knows I wished there were. 

Jack's eyes widened, and then he laughed again. " None? The sea take me, I marked both of you as the type to start a family faster then rabbits. It'd make you happy, love. Keep it in mind, I can't believe you'd be too happy trapped in a house like this by yourself all day, on the very outskirts of Port Royal." 

"Well....some days I'm not," I replied, only this time my voice quavered before breaking. 

To my embarassment, large, salty tears began to drip down my face. I turned around to face the sea, and I could hear Jack striding over towards me. He took my shoulders in his hands and turned me towards him. I made a half hearted attempt to shake him off, but it felt so nice to have someone touching me again that I only began to cry harder. I ended up leaning against his chest and crying. 

" Shhh, Shhh, that's a good girl," he told me soothingly, and all the loneliness I had felt in the past years began to melt away at least for a few moments. 

" I'm sorry, this is embaressing,"I hiccuped, tears still streaming down my face as I leaned against his chest. 

" It's fine, love. Don't worry about a thing," he told me, his voice surprisingly gentle. 

A horrible thought occurred-- Could he be mocking me? I pulled back to look him in the face, but it was surprisingly earnest. 

" Jack, be honest with me. Why are you here?," I said slowly, and he released me from his grip. I hadn't even realized he was holding me so tightly. 

He sighed, and looked out the window. He started to say something, then shut his mouth. He looked up at me, the cocky grin that was usually pasted on his face gone, replaced with a smile that didn't seem to give the impression of happiness. 

" Do you remember that day I escaped from the gallows? When I said it would never work out between us, in jest?" 

I nodded numbly, and he continued. 

" It was a jest, then. I'm not a dedicated one woman man, love, god knows we all know that. The crew and I sailed the Pearl for about a year after that, before I returned to Port Royal. I thought about you and Will occasionally, wondering how you made out. But about a year after sailing throughout the islands, I came to wonder how you and Will turned out to be. I came back to Port Royal, just myself, while the crew dallied in some other obscure city not too far away from here. I saw you and Will near the docks, talking to some of the royal guards and inquiring about something. Both of you laughing together. "

Here Jack paused, and didn't meet my eyes. 

" I remembered how obstinate you were, how intelligent you were, and how curious you were. But I had forgotten how incredibly beautiful and unique you were, and that was what stopped me from approaching you further. I always thought you were pretty, love, don't get me wrong when I say this. But I looked at you, holding onto Will Turner's arm and laughing giddily, and I realized what a mistake I'd made. I saw why the commodore had wanted to scour the sea for you, why Will had risked his life to save you. I knew it was too late for me to do anything about it, so I ignored it for a few years. I thought I was a fool anyway, a woman's never kept my interest for longer then a week or two. A few years past, and many a time I thought of visiting you and young Turner, to see how your lives had turned out and have a few bottles of rum for old times sake. But each time the Pearl came near Port Royal, I lost my nerve."

There was a long pause. I didn't know what to think or say; I loved Will, but yet..oh, I didn't know what I thought. I had never, never expected something like this from Jack. 

" Jack," I said softly, trying to think of how to answer him. 

He walked toward me and put a finger on my lips. His dark brown eyes were serious and quiet, and he brushed a wisp of my hair away from my face. 

" You don't have to say a word, love. You still have your Will Turner, and I wouldn't dream of trying to take him or you away from each other. It was just something I had to get off my chest. I'll show myself out now; the crews waiting for me. I hope he returns soon, and that he keeps you happier then you've been. He's a good man, and there is nothing more that would break his heart if he knew how unhappy your life has been of the late," Jack said quietly. 

He straightened and walked toward the door, his crisp black boots clicking on the wooden floor. 

As he turned the knob, he stopped and looked back at me. 

" Give Will my best. And take care of yourself, love," he told me, the cocky grin returning for a brief moment. 

" Jack, wait!," I called out impulsively, taking a tiny step forward. 

He paused, his expression blank. Taking a deep breath, I tried to find something witty or refreshing to say like he would, but none came to mind. 

" You're just..leaving? After five years, you come in to say hello for twenty minutes, then become ready to waltz out the door?," I demanded, gesturing once.

Jack raised his eyebrows. " Love, maybe you've been listening to me, maybe you haven't. But I have to say that I agree with you and that I'm afraid this is good bye, for several reasons."

" Jack, please. Will would love to see you more often. I would too. Why can't you come back?," I implored quietly. 

Jack looked at me for a few silent moments, then in several long strides, stood directly in front of me, no more then a hand's width away. 

" Elizabeth," he said in his deep voice, the first time he had said my name since he had arrived. 

" In a moment I'm going to walk out that door and back down the stair case. I'm going to go to the main part of Port Royal, where I'll probably find myself some good rum and play cards for a few days or so until the rest of my crew is done dallying off in whatever port town they went to, and come back for me. I'll sail the Carribean until I'm so old I'll fall into the water. Maybe I'll run into you again, maybe I won't. But if, by chance, we don't, this is why I won't be coming back." 

And with those words, he leaned down and kissed me. 

It wasn't a brotherly kiss. It was a kiss full of passion and longing, the kind Will had given me on the day he had saved Jack from the gallows, though it had never been as intense. Jack's hands gripped my waist, and I felt myself trembling as I realized that I was kissing him back. My hands settled on his neck, and as I pressed myself against him, I finally saw that the reason Jack would not come back was because he was in love with me. And as his hands became tangled in my hair, I suddenly realized if maybe I was too. 

Jack pulled his head back, gently ending the kiss. My hand shot out and gripped his wrist as he stepped away. 

" Wait..Jack. Don't leave," I said quietly, tears welling up in my eyes again. " It's too soon, I have too much to think about. 

Jack closed his eyes wearily. " Don't make this harder then it already is, love," he replied, and this time fully opened the door and walked down the stair case. 

I followed him, all the way down to the door. He opened it, and the sky, though clear now, seemed so much more bleak. He walked out the door, and I watched him as he walked further and further away. Captain Jack Sparrow finally faded out into the distance, and I closed the door behind me, sinking down on to the ground. 

I had chosen the wrong man all along. 

  



End file.
